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Yasha vs Beauregard - ULTIMATE RAP BATTLE

by Hollaback Nerds

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about

(SPOILERS Critical Role - Campaign 2 Episode 46)

Music by Kieran Burling
Costumes by Gemma Murcott
Lyrics written by Danny Dourado

lyrics

YASHA: Beauregard Blowhard, versus the Hurricane Empress
Rapping up a storm! I’m the Voice of the Tempest
Straight outta Xhorhas! Here to vanquish your vanity
(You talk) Straight out your ass! Wound Ioun like the Calamity
I’m the bestial celestial! Thunder claps for every flex
BEAU: Ohhh wanna use Extract Ass and Pecs
I’m Divine Intervention, Stormlord endorsed
BEAU: If we bang it’d be divine intercourse. Y: What? B: What?

Berate, interrogate, this monk’s a master of deflection
Take a look in a mirror! Insight check your reflection
Dropped wine for crime, I’ll aerate this tycoon
Go Gale-force and GaG yOu WiTh YoUr SiLvEr SpOoN
You play slick, but your words are like your back-alley turds
Ask the Professor, you’re used to getting ditched by birds
You flirt with a Flurry, you’re blunt and you boast
You only get the message when you’re stealing people’s post

BEAU:
This Angel of Death killed my mood! How savage
So edgy that her hugs are doing Piercing damage
You’re stiff like pocket jerky, Divine Fury can’t hurt me
With clipped wings you’re just a temper tantrum turkey
I flow like a butterfly, sting like an MC
You’re bloated, Thunder Thighs, and Resistant to this beat
Drop firecracker burns. No Evasion? Take cover
‘Bout to blow up on you like FLU-FER-NUTTER

Hit from out-of-the-Blue, this anarchist disarms with smarm
Rupture kidneys of corruption for the right to bare my arms
Backstory’s backed up? I’ll start a Movement if I’ve gotta
Pop-Pop your truth treats like an Avantica Pinata
Talk SMACK! Punch SMACK! Bonus action WHACK AND THWACK
You’re less a bag of holding… more like a sack of crap (SNAP)
Throw shade and stay back? I deflect the attack
Catch your flak, spend a ki point and throw it right back
When I get too thirsty I got Keg on tap
KEG: Uh… Keg’s aroused.

YASHA:
Hit me with a truth punch! Every verse stays the same
Since I held you at the circus, I have carried this campaign
Beau’s ass is as thin as her Bo staff, she’s Beau’ned
I’m Radiant Swole! More gun control than Whitestone

BEAU:
Wait, you’re still here? Is that a diss I’m hearing?
We call you Blink Dog ‘cause this bitch keeps disappearing
WHERE DO YOU GO, YASHA? Blue skies when you're not there
A feathered hulk sulking like a goth owlbear

YASHA:
I’ll crush this secret agent tearing down the old guard
Where’s your license to kill? This is a library card
There’s a snitch in the Nein, so my next attack’s Reckless
Nott and I both eat rats for breakfast

BEAU:
I stand Sentinel, hit genitals with Stunning Strike power
Call a Cleric if you’re stiff for more than four hours (NICE)
Steal your thunder like Lorenzo’s highway robbery
Your time as a bodyguard was a Molly-mockery

YASHA: Open my wife’s book, press this pansy on a page
‘Cause I…Would. LIKE. TO. R-
BEAU: DROP THE DEUCE!

CADUCEUS:
Feymild, BFG of D&D
Only honeys I need are my happy little bees
Packing heat? Just my kettle. Drop it like it’s Heat Metal
There’s nothing you can heckle, heck, I talk to stinging nettles
You’re both killing it. I’m here to Spare the Dying
Time to stir sugared words to sweeten the rhyming
Saddle up, Yasha makes life a trip (Y: Not really)
And Beau’s First Mate (B: Yes!) aboard the Friend Ship (B: Lame)

BEAU: I guess… I like your eyes? (C: There, that’s nice)
YASHA: I respect how you… brawl. (C: Ah, don’t we all?)
YASHA: Let us bury this fate (C: Where’s the biscuit plate…?)
BEAU: Nothing like Tealeaf of Molly to celebrate!
CAD: Oh dear.
BEAU: What?!

YASHA:
(SCREAMS) Why damage the damaged? I’ll Healing Hands that apathy
When I choke the gloat from the throat of this malady
Caused Daddy agony, born with no weapon equipped,
You compensate with your stick and ACT like a huge dick
Even your trauma's weak. Wrap you in Shroud so frightening
Always chasing storms just to feel something from lightning
Let’s meet your parents. Courting danger ends in tragedy
Bring Orphan Maker home, I’ll cut ties with your family

BEAU:
Every line’s a Death Sentence, test your Constitution
Will you fight to the end or flee another Execution?
Knowing’s half the battle, G.I. Beau knows you’re Cursed
Ditch your raps like your wife, leave them buried in the Earth
And if you Rage Beyond Death like a Revenant on ‘roids
I can Clothesline your ghost with Ki-empowered deltoids (BRO)
But I’ll spare my Killing Beau, so if we find Zuala’s wraith
You can’t touch your wife again. I can slap her in the face

credits

released December 9, 2019
Music by Kieran Burling
Vocals by Gemma Murcott
Lyrics & Vocals by Danny Dourado

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Hollaback Nerds UK

A trio of dorks on opposite sides of the world who make sick raps about fictional characters.

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