MOLLY:
Roll up for this freak show at the Carnival Commedia
A booklover with more issues than an Encyclopedia
It’s the devil who can’t remember ‘gainst the man who can’t forget
My amnesia’s anaesthesia! Whew, you stink of your regrets
Throw raps from 60 feet away you weedy Wizard wussy
Then go mindmeld with Frumpkin! You’re used to being a pussy
Your body’s got the hit dice of a biscuit dunked in tea
Crit Role Stats says you go down more than the Ruby of the Sea!

I’m flamboyantly fabulous! Universally adored
If I could cast Find Familiar I’d just Summon Gilmore (GLORIOUS!)
No foe I can’t surmount, this carnal carnie can’t keep count
I make the continent quake, I’m such a Wildemount
I’m altruistic, hedonistic, love to get in trouble quick
I’m a moral Golden Compass, you’re just a Subtle Prick
You’re restrained and I’m loud, you’re ashamed and I’m proud
You’re so washed up! Yet you smell of Stinking Cloud

CALEB: Ja, okay. *PAUSE* Oh, it’s mein turn? Wunderba

The devil’s been defanged with a DC of Elf (ELEVEN)
I barely felt that Mockery. Guess he only hurts himself
Transmute that dung to silvertongue, here’s a whetstone for your wit
Even Comprehend Language can’t decode your bullshit (SCHEISSE)
You’re far from Prince Charming, more like a royal pain
A clown with a Crown of Madness! Long may he reign
No net under your high-wire, if you fight me, light your own pyre
I roll Wisdom Saves after every line cause my lyrics are so fire.

You’re in my Cat’s Paw, little peacock, and you’ll never be free
If you were as clever as you thought you were you’d be... me
My cortex is colossal, it gives Mind Flayers indigestion
I’m a pissed Fritz army knife with answers to every question
A brain with an Arcane cannon, cranking up my think tank
‘Bout to take a donation from this Blood Hunter blood bank
You got spanked! (Dankeschön) My Glove of Blasting starts to itch
I have a sorcerer’s apprentice, you can be my bitch

MOLLY:
I don’t need to Maledict! I just blind you with rage
Did Jester write your story? You’re a dick on every page
You’re a fiend, Caleb, so let me switch to Devil’s Tongue
SUCK MY DEVIL DICK. That means I won

CALEB:
You dress like you’ve been Faerie-Fired from Dusk til Dawn
Try and hide, you’d need a pride parade for leprechauns (POTATO)
Shine Bright you narcissist, wearing your dragon carpet
I fire attention-seeking missiles and you’re always the target

MOLLY:
Here’s morals from the devil, you’re so poor in humanity
Which is MORE broke? Your coin purse OR YOUR SANITY?
Your own mind is your dungeon. Karma’s the final boss
Cast Alarm around your conscience, it’d never go off
No scroll that you stole can help you hold or control fate
You sold your dirty soul, more controversial than Bowlgate
Don’t burn your Tiefling brother! I Rebuke in an instant
If your family were Tieflings, they’d have been fire resistant!

CALEB:
Your life is in the cards, Mollymauk don’t tempt me
Let me read your future, it just says ‘Empty’
You always want to one-up, your last show was your best
Fjord swallows swords so you take a glaive through the chest
Your grave wants you back! There’ll be no hope of detection
And I’m saving Counterspell for your next resurrection
Now, do me a favour and expose that purple back
This whole verse set you up for a-

NOTT:
SNEAK ATTAAAACK!
Mama’s home, kids! I’ll turn you shits into knitting
Ask the Manticore how good I am at babysitting
You're first, Ram Horns, I’m gonna mince you like mutton
Then I’ll have to steal myself 'cause I'm cute as a button
I’M NOTT DRUNK. I Rogue best when I’m slammed
How will you hit me when I don’t know where I am?!
Dropping bombs like Cricks, leavin’ Molly in the wreckage
If you’re still alive, you can reply to this me-

~OUTRO~
NOTT: Ohhh failed my con save…!
CALEB: Ja, okay, we’re done here. Good game, Molly.
NOTT: NO, I CAN TAKE ALL THREE OF HIM!
CALEB: Time for a short rest.
NOTT: I ROLL TO INVESTIGATE HIS ARSEHOLE.
CALEB: I don’t know what that means.